"I'm baa-aa-aack..."

Oh, I’ve really missed this…blogging. Who’d a thought!?!?! I really loved telling stories about my family. I’m such a blessed woman having these men in my life. Truly a queen’s life…

For Erin, my newly-found friend, and Adam, not only my son, but my friend, I want to thank you for your continued encouragement. Erin, I honestly hope I have the honor and privilege of getting to meet you face to face someday. Your love and the love of God that shines through you has been a shining light to me in this terrible darkness of depression. Never, honey, will I ever be able to thank you for what possibly is just being you. You have the gift. I know by reading your blog that you and I are on such different life paths with different aspirations and different thoughts about many issues. However, I also know that reaching out, loving others, and trying to truly be a Jesus to those that may never see Him or know Him anywhere else is not only your heartbeat, but for years was also mine.

There was an old song that said, “When any one looks at me, let them see Jesus…Let me be the reflection of His love and mercy…” That was my theme song for so many years. It was why I did what I did – Why I taught mothering classes for 11 years. Why Paul and I encouraged other young couples to make Jesus first in their marriage. Why I went to WIC clinics to help young mothers learn to mother their children. Why I cared for so many children while their own mamas worked. Then ultimately, why I gave my life to Christian schools for 17 years. I will never forget what Jesus has done for me, and I wanted someone – everyone – to have such a wonderful life.

Now, the problem is what to do next. As I am seemingly climbing out of the dark abyss, not only again, but also hopefully for the last time, I stay poised and ready for God to move and open all of the fabulously wonderful doors for me to walk through – or run gracefully through, with this fully, wispy dress on, my hair loose in the breeze as I gently glide into this heavenly place. In my simple little mind’s eye of the child I really am, that is what I expect. That is what I really have expected to happen these last 12 months. (it seems more like 12 years ago that Paul and I told the Smith’s that I would be resigning at school). Of course, silly girl, dream on…

As I look into the reality of it all is I don’t think it’s happening that way. During the years of teaching high school aged kids, they always questioned me about how to know what direction God was taking them – what did they need to do to know what direction to go. I always told them to just keep on walking, don’t give up, and always staying “right”, for the steps of a right person will be ordered by God. He will direct your paths. His word says so, and He can’t lie.

I have been trying to take my own advice and just keep on walking. In the natural or physical realm, I have tried to start walking trying to help with the weight issues and the health issues, yet I have hurt my right leg, rupturing a varicose vein deep in the calf muscle. It is quite painful, and has seriously hampered the walking. I am not going to let it truly stop me, though. When I am trying to move, it is quite slowly, but I still am moving.

OK, God. In my spiritual realm, I will keep on moving. Maybe it is slower than it should be, but You and I know I have not given up, I’ve not turned at all. Been the proverbially “down and out”, but still here. I just know I must stay “right” and keep on moving. Baby steps sometimes, but moving thus the same…

While I am here, let me thank a few more people for being there for me:
§ Of course, Paul, who truly doesn’t understand at all why my brain works the way it does, but has loved me through it all and encouraged me to simply just get out of bed some mornings. HAHAHA.
§ My family for just continuing on and on. Andrew, you’re the best cook I know!!!
§ Mickey Blagg, for honestly and truthfully being the brightest light in my world. Thank you and thank you more for just being you, and loving me and my family.
§ Bro Guy C Broadway and his beautiful wife Rachel – who have been prayer warriors for me. How selfish of me to be needy of them this last year, but they have been there for me in ways unimaginable to others. My favorite Broadwayism: “just get up, put on your pants, and live for God. It is that easy.”
§ Melanie, not only my boss, but my bestest type of buddy. She loves me in spite of myself. Thanks for knowing that 8:34 or 8:37 was my kind of 8:30. hahaha!
§ And of course, my sisterhood – Amanda and Joyce – who through their own seemingly insurmountable trials of late, have loved me and have even become my “walking buddies” (or is that hop-a-long buddies, or strolling buddies, or sit and wait for Kathleen buddies, hm-m-m-m)

And NOW
On with...

MY STORIES



Again, sorry for the months and months delay, but hopefully you’ll stay for the rest of the journey…